Yesterday I spent a weary but necessary day mucking out Finlay's bedroom. The things that the average seven year old keeps under their beds are probably best not thought about in any depth. The necessity was born out of a recent farm game that involved about a pound in weight of real pearl barley - well it could have been worse -at least he wasn't muck spreading.....anyway the barley had been scattered around -and for your future information, should you ever find yourself in a similar position takes about 1.2hours to hoover up off a spotty carpet. I also learnt not to open anything wrapped in paper - let's not even go there. Or to continue once the light has failed beyond the point where deciphering between solid and liquid is possible. I knew I shouldn't have let them buy the multi coloured gloop that came in a medicine bottle at the christmas fair. Despite what it says on the tin it does eventually soak into the carpet -never to be removed without a flame thrower, and it does penetrate material especially when you kneel on it. Under the bed I went to pick up what I thought was a solid disc of green felt - to find that it was a liquid mass of something very sticky - I think a totally disintegrated cough sweetie, but I cant be certain.It reminded me of the time (Fergus time) that The Early Learning Centre started making very realistic animals -and one of the boys was going through an amphibian stage and I went to pick up - what I thought was a large brown plastic toad..........to find that it was actually the real thing. There then followed one of those slow motion, backward falling movie clips of suspended animation as I toppled, yelled and thrust the very much alive large brown but real toad threw the air and down the back of the bed.....they are SO disgustingly COLD to the touch, and well named. It is so damp and dark under Ferg's bed he'd probably been living there quite happily for some time.No one could remember inviting him in. It still gives me the judders thinking about that to this day.
The other deeply disgusting, but quite hysterically funny thing that did happen today - now that I have recovered from cleaning it up! Involved the old cat who I saw nip into the larder for a mooch (honestly there's always something or someone mooching in there....) anyway the only thing she could find was peanut butter in the mouse trap....I heard the trap snap shut....and saw the cat skulk out a moment later -the funnyand disgusting part was that the scare made her poop her non existent pants -Ive had scares like that! lucky she didn't find the toad really.
Finlay is beginning to enjoy being ill with baby man flu - (always a sign they are ready to go back to school, my old mum used to say!!) and has taken to demanding "mother, pass me the this or that", its all very imperious, "mother, I need tea" "mother, can you reach my glass". Its very easy to see how this grows up into adult man flu. Now I believe that any man deserves some tlc when they are poorly. And I wouldn't like to be Hedge today as he's HAD to take a client (as it's the bosses brother) out shooting. He was feeling so ghastly and shivery yesterday he put himself to bed at 7pm with a "think need bed, can you bring me an asprin, have ver sore head, not be needing enythin else,.......this is worst than childbirth". I think not.......I told him it was lucky it was me and not him that had peritonitis and delivered 3 babies -How would he have coped....
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