A Plague of Rats.

I am having a plague of rats. Or rather Im being plagued by rats every where I turn. Or rather Im being plagued about rats. PLague or no plague - and they brought the plague didnt they - that's rats for you.I can quite see how it happened.
Archie has a friend who is selling two pet rats. I say - "there's no such thing as a pet rat". (They have nasty hairy whippy scaley tails and mean little eyes and are only one up from the bottom of the worst pet option from snakes.) Except that you can feed rats to snakes. But we are definately not going there either.
Every night I am subjected to the rat on-slaught when Im least expecting it (in the bath - whilst on the loo- when taking a splinter out of the game keepers leather like thumbs - talk about buffulo hide I had to use a screw driver and a monkey wrench and that was just to pierce the skin) However the rat story always begins with "Mum, you know Ive been good...or you know when I picked up my school clothes off the floor yesterday (after the 10th ask)so mum can I have Liam's rats? -rapidly followed by - "I'll pay for them myself, I'll buy them and clean them out, and pick up their poo, (this is sounding rather familiar to the pony story and all the poo that that entailed)However I am near certain their is no market for organic rat poop for the garden at £2/bag. and even if there is Im still not going there!
Anyway these rats (shudder) are tame (apperently) only Liam is selling them as one of them accidentally bit him.....(they sound really tame) well apperently he might have forgotten to feed them a few times....(oh my god - starved and untame and whippy and bity with mean little eyes) so like they make really great pets, Liam said so....and I'd keep them in my bedroom (which is next door to mine - so thats another reason that no is the answer)I said Archie rats are nocturnal -no there not - well not Liam's rats his dad puts them in the shed at night....Yes thats so you cant hear their infernal scratching and burrowing as they gnaw through ropes on the trap door - and so you dont notice when they go moonlighting in acting parts in scarey movies.....with their whippy tails. SO like please can I have them.No. Please.No.Please (cue a storming out and a door slam or two) then another please and several more no's -and the lecture about when does NO ever turn into a Yes - and
another warning for whining. Well if I dont whine can I get them??? Its not Get its Please may I have....well please may I have them. No. Why not. Because they are nasty...no their not - Yes they are they bit Liam - well he forgot to feed them....So that is plague number one. and Plague number two is apperently living in our shed. These rats too are as virtual as plague one but have been invented by Finlay so he dosent have to go and fill the coal bucket. They ammount of rat time that Archie has taken up over the last few days seem to add up to a whole herd of rats, which as a result of their current popularity have made the leap to reality and a very real excuse for Fin - who will happily fetch coal if you stand and watch - or go with him, or explain 1000times that just because it's dark it dosent mean a 6ft rat has suddenly materialised on top of the coal pile. A 6ft rat -imagine the size of his tail......