F-R-U-S-T-ration

Today - another self fulfilling prophecy which just goes to show "be careful what you wish for". On the last day of the holidays we took the boys shopping at the sales. Archie fell in love with a pair of boots in Gap (which DOES NOT stand for "Gay and Proud" thank you Fergus) Despite thinking that the said boots were almost too small -I was fairly certain he was curling his toes up inside them as I probed around trying to feel how mashed they were -but he was PLEADING and he has been wearing snow boots come hail or snow almost entirely for the month of December (since I forbade him from wearing canary yellow crocs to school OR with socks) (how many fashion faux pas can one boy achieve).....anyway - they were perfect "boy boots" by which I mean could be kicked off and scuffed on -elasticated sides -brown - plain -chelsea boots - ten quid. Who could say no. So I took them and a pile of £2.99 t-shirts (trying not to think of my social conscience and the chillean children labouring in a sweat shop for that price) and handed them over to a sweet studently girl at the counter. We then had a pleasant enough conversation which started with her admiring my rather fine fingerless gloves and ending with the silly air headed student piece of fluff NOT putting the boots in the bag.....which I didnt discover until I had negotiated the crowds and the car park and got ALL the way home....cue one disappointed little face (mine) and a phonecall that surprisingly quickly got a bit out of hand. Now in my advancing years I have taken great pains to throw off my "hot head over reactionary reputation" So the conversation went something like "Hello, I bought a pair of brown boots in the childrens department today and when I got home I discovered that they had not been put in my bag, could you post them to me?" GAP "Oh,no we cant post them, but I have them right here you can collect them tomorrow" -Me "Well actually that is not very convenient as I live 30 miles out of town and was not planning on coming in for at least another week -Do you want the reference number for the boots off my receipt " GAP - "Oh - well I suppose I could keep them for you for one week" Me - "Well thank you for that, but in my experience this sort of thing is likely to go wrong -so what happens if they go missing as my son is desperately keen on the boots" GAP "they wont go missing" Me "But what if they do...." GAP "Look, Ive said I will keep them for you so I will" Me - "Yes, but the girl who I paid said she would put everything in a bag for me - and she didn't" GAP "Look, do you have a problem? Ive said I was sorry" Me "Did you?, I hadnt noticed, in my long experience with dealing with Gap - sometimes you screw up and I just want to know how we can make sure I get the boots, I know you are very busy and have lots of students working for you....." GAP (interrupting me and a voice loaded with vitriol)"Excuse me are you saying you have a problem with students now?" Me "well actually this is getting us no where and we are both getting a bit exasperated - can I speak to a supervisor please" (wait for it)GAP "I am the supervisor" ME " ok can I take your name and your personal assurance that nothing will go wrong and I can pick up the boots by the end of the day on Wednesday 7th January" GAP (not-so-Super-visor)"Yes". Me "Well can I have your name please?" GAP "It's Louise" ME "Louise what?" GAP "Louise the supervisor, now Ive given you my name Im not giving you anything else" (well clearly)And so it came to pass that I dragged my weary ass back in to Aberdeen, and the crowds and the car parking today and got to GAP and guess what......First (in the very faint hope that all might be well and I could avoid Louise with no second name)I asked an assistant if she knew anything about a pair of brown boots that were being reserved in the name of Shand (probably labelled "For a Bitch")she was all perky and said she thought they were in the office. Sadly this is not a tale of a happy ending as of course they were a pair of girls boots - and despite Archie's liberal leanings I didnt think he would have lent quite so far....so I asked for Louse and I said "Hello, I had been hoping to avoid this conversation, but do you remember I phoned about some brown boys boots and you said you would keep them for me and their would be no mistake, well their is....like I said there would be...." And do you know what she said? She said "OH,YOU never said they were BOYS boots, and we dont have any others" "and I said "no of course you dont you stupid fucking dimwit gap fucker....." or no words to that effect. GAP -Gargantuan Asshole Pisspots. Still no boots, but feel better for sharing.