Thought for the day: Go with the flow........

The Cat knows best -95% sleeping -5% left to sleep and chase mice......

I was just going to exalt on the merits of listening to one's gamekeeper when as a ghillie he used to tell me to just go with the flow....and when I was battling with decisions, or erasable children, or recalcitrant dogs, or wayward family, or troubled friends - and his short answer has always pretty much been - don't fight it - go with the flow...and it always USED to irk me that in some way that seemed like giving in, or conceding a point and as a resolutely stubborn person of the highest order - it simply wouldn't do to "give in"....However today I had one of those rare moments of blinding revelation - as with all things the zen the more simple the better. What is harmony if it is not fluid, and peaceful and stripped bare and un-complicated. Although I believed the Dyslexic Institutes mantras of "if he cant learn the way you teach - teach them the way he can learn" whist on the other hand (the leftie corry fisted cack handed way) I didn't really understand what that meant. And because we are creatures of pattern and habit we get into a belief system of its our way or the high way - or in Archie's case - "no way"!! so at this very point in unrepeatable time - this moment of the universe let it be said that by going with the flow - by stopping trying to stop time/pack everything in/always rushing and STILL being late/ worrying about when I could take time to enjoy rather than resent... - give up the responsibility for control - actually going with the flow rather than feeling I'm not waving but drowning, I'm not a little duck gliding along the surface whist maddly waggling beneath -Im not resisting - I'm accepting and I'm going to enjoy the ride - be swept up in events and see them for what they are - never as bad as they might seem, always could be done differently with hindsight - and operating under forces that are beyond my control - that's not to say that I don't take responsibility for my actions - but that if everyone did this and stopped blaming everyone else for their problems then we might achieve greater harmony and that can only be for a higher good. The papers are full of the skating pensioner who has been fined £1500 for breach of the peace - or skating in a built up area -he said he thought everyone thought of him as more of a threat than he actually was! - God I wish I could skate - let alone still be skating at 71 - let alone causing a breach of the peace - excellent - cue virtual Mexican wave of support.
And as I sat poised to type another slewth of minor misdemeanors about the high jinks of my own carnival monkeys I logged on and my eye caught the headline that David Cameron's son Ivan had just died. So instead of suspended realisation of my existence let it be known that I realise what I have and celebrate that instead.

Guns of Navarone! -welcome to my world....

Eyeball's and snowballs

EVERYONE seems to be complaining about the snow - Its the new literal credit crunch -Not me I LOVE IT - there's nothing so important in my life right now that I cant do from the safety of inside my own front door.Despite the fact that the kids are on a 3 day week - and off now until next Thursday when Archie reliably informs me that there will still be snow and the schools will inevitably still be shut. Hedge, who usually thrives on extreme conditions - and is completely and directly in competition with the forecasters -when they say it will rain - he says it will snow -when they say it will snow he says it will rain - or pass us by....Is BORED with it all - it means he wont be ferreting this afternoon and neither will he pot anymore deer before the season closes on Saturday. But Tuesdays predicted snow has fallen this morning and from the bright blue skies of yesterday we have whiteout conditions - the bird feeders are flying perpendicular to the bird table and the "wee flakes" are coming down in horizontal straight lines - that's right - sideways.

Anyway - I'm very happy - apart from my broken tooth that means that I can either wait 5 weeks till my dentist appointment comes around for him to stick a big needle in me - or I could phone him at 8.25am and request an emergency appointment. I phoned yesterday at 9am to be told I was too late - for the emergency appointments of that day had already gone. Apparently you can only have an emergency at 8.20. the rest of the time it is not convenient for the receptionist. I said "what constitutes an emergency?" she said "are you in pain?" I said "I have 3 children and have you met my husband" this did not constitute urgent status apparently. Anyway I thought "emergency" meant lots of blood, but "pain" is apparently the marker here. I was ruminating away about breathing in with my mouth open in a blizzard and the eye watering shoooting needle feeling in my gum, when she told me the dentist wasn't in anyway. I know he reads my facebook - so Alan if you've made it to my Blog - I'm in pain - when can you fit me in between ski runs?

What I was thinking of posting about this morning was, (given the title of my blog, I feel the need to say that I really do not need to make this up)- Hedge and Fin went on a deer mission yesterday, Finlay came back with a collection of antlers that Hedge said, -to give him his due he worked away with a saw the whole morning until he had retrieved all the booty he wanted -(Charming most seven year olds collect football cards). Nobbler antlers are not the handsome and acceptable "face" of trophy display - the type that makes you want to throw your hat up in a James Bondish manoeuvre -more like twisted sticks of that boring sea weed -the only thing that indicates they were once attached to a deer's head is the little dot of marrow at one end. I don't have a problem with these "trophies" - it was however one step too far even for me -when I went to put his washing away and discovered the eye ball nestled in amongst his pants. It's a strange and not particularly nice thing an eyeball. First of all its very cold, slightly slimy and very blue. The realisation of what it was hit me at the same time as I was already committed to holding it in the palm of my hand. It doesn't stare back at you as sci-fi might have it - it's just cold and blue and orbital - Funny how texturally "boney" is not nearly as disgusting and off putting as "squidge". I asked Fin if he had lost anything ....at the same time as Hedge said to him - what did you do with the eyeball.....He was a picture of innocence - I had removed it from it's hiding place as I was (from experience) completely certain that he would forget about it and where as I can cope with my sense of sight and touch being assaulted- I absolutely draw the line at smell. That and the fact that he was planning to put it in Fergus's bed.

On the subject of Fergus and fondly remembering what a cherubic delight he WAS. Im at the same place with him as I am the Spaniel puppy. Bo at 8 weeks was all legs and adoring spaniel eyes, then came teeth - then came spaniel adolescence which is on a parr with adolescent adolescence, except I could still put her outside and lock the door - which is really where I am tempted to go with my eldest air to the throne. The line between "it wasnt me who ate all the biscuits" and "it wasnt my fault it got broken" has been crossed. The trouble with "it wasnt me who........." and "it wasnt my fault I got caught" is the responsibility that teenagers are genetically modified to be without -my problem is then- well who's fault was it? -and does it really matter anyway...... My day always decends into the mire (with eyeballs) when he greet's me with I was called up to the office again.....the reply from me is "what for this time" the reply from him "it wasnt my fault". My question is: does this translate into a man and a life of of taking no responsibility - or is it hormones that put him at the incident scene -he seems to be afflicted with wrong place wrong time-itis. he cant seem to make the leap from -being there- to being involved. We sat him down last night - when honestly I may as well have been talking into a pillow - I was mwa mwa mwaaing - and he was hearing blah blah blah. he woke up at one point when I said "Fergus if a woman was assulted by two men out of the ten in the room - would the other 8 be innocent?" Both he and Hedge by this time were staring at me quite blankly. Ok so it was a bit of a leap to snow balls..... he had only been lifted with 7 other boys -2 of whom were throwing snowballs at someones house. (and of course he didnt do it, it wasnt his fault etc etc) Perhaps I did go abit far to illustrate my point (for the record his fathers contribution wasnt much better -he felt the need to point out that the perpetrators were from Ballater - and in his day it was the just the same -as all the bad boys came from Ballater....... (thank you Cheif sitting Bullshit -Kofi Annan - and YOUR point is?)(at least mine was interesting)He also threw in for pudding that Fug should simply avoid the company of these particular boys. easier said than done me thinks. He is adamant that I will NOT be going up to see his deputy head - (who also sent me a letter home a fortnight ago owing to Fergus once more being in the wrong place/wrong time when the same snowball boy had shouted something unrepeatable at a maths teacher, the deputy head was of the opinion that Ferg had misplaced loyalty....which as it happens I did not agree with.) This in a month that has included a phonecall from his guidance teacher about him signing my name for me (how kind....(it wasnt MY fault))on a red puni and trying to pass his scribble off as mine.....still whilst paying me back for his pre christmas down loading habit, the day after a two hour (one way) argument about trust. (and why didn't I.....?)Ho hum it never snows but it Blizzards.Like Ive said before - this is cheaper than therapy, and a load off my shoulders - thers' something quite comforting about delivering my musings out into the world wide web it certainly puts them into perspective. they are a snowflake in the blizzard of unimportance. Archie mean while is sweetness and light this morning -he was found at the breakfast table stirring his orange juice with an 11" icicle - very cosmopolitan- then I discovered he was storing them in the fridge..... (good mood entirely due to the lackness of scholastic imperative) Always look on the bright side I say, it's 2 more years before he becomes a teenager.....and 6 until Fin crosses the divide. Oh my god that's 16 more years - I could be responsible for the collapse of the web.......................

Mair Sna'

Wee flakes BIG Snaw allright -my mumused to say "a puckle flakins maks a muckle" -which is based on "mony a mickle maks a muckle" -with lovely symetry translates to lots of little things turn into a mountain.
Lots of socks, pants, wellies, over trousers, under trousers, vests, gloves, snow boots, mair socks, hats, hoodies, t-shirts, mair pants.....all wet......all make a stormy soggy path scattered along the prescipice to the washing machine mountain.
Day 1. Plan : Massage with my lovely aromatherapist followed by a creative meeting with someone who has written a song (luckily he IS a musician) for the play and wants to play it for me.....and in return I want to ask him to be the stage manager....Im hoping either he or his wife will (hopefully both) step up. We are slightly thin on practical creatives. Followed by a lovely drive to my picture framers to order the next batch of prints - the sale of which - through 3 galleries are funding my "other work" at the moment.
Day 1 Plan 2:Emergency Measures - are now in place. Massage cancelled as her kids and my kids are rampaging at home. mine in a state of heightened adrenalin rush and snow blindness - it's either that or cabin fever - so it was just as well I draped the mountian of sogs over every available radiator in the house last night - so the have dry rations today. the house smells permanantly of wet dog. hedge;s welly's have a whole micro kingdom on the inside. he's gone off to shoot a deer and left the little darlings with me....If I take the boys to "hear the song" I will then have to contend with Finny's every second question of "Am I in this bit?" - "Can i be in this bit" - "have I got lots of lines yet?" "can I have lots of lines" "Pleeeease!".
At this very moment I can hear them feeding Special K to the Spaniel puppy and I need to go and save some milk formy coffee - will we ever see civilization again.

Fergus at least will be no trouble today. he got up checked the website - found out that 111 schools were shut and has retreated back to his nest. His only request that I buy him a "stud" for his ear to keep the hole he's poked through it with a needle -open. The disgusting piece of inch square nickel plated diamante laden bling he's been wearing has worn thin in three days. i have studiously ignored it - on the grounds that I was expected to over react. When he finally drew my attention to it (and it WAS pretty hard to ignore - ) I told him that he would probably get hepatitis C leading to Aids for sharing some scuzzy girl's nasty ear-ring - acctually I told him he would get HRT and HMV but luckily being dyslexic he didnt seem to notice. Me ? over react? naw, I can't wait for the big tatoo.

It Snows, it rains, its SNOWS and now it rains again...

This morning I am supremely SMUG to say that despite the fact the children were all up and dressed before 8am (it's usually a struggle to get Archie out by twenty five past on the 5th shout and the threat of a hot iron in his lug'gol) I strolled through the most beautifully snowy narnai known to narns. I just suspected that it was not going to last - despite being perfect igloo building material I had a glorious amble and came home to the joyful cavorts of Archie Shand snow boarding upright over the bracken on an up turned sledge. Largely impressive stuff -and I almost went into "thats'ma boy" proudest mummy mode when I realised he was wearing my favourite (and my "best" Boden blue velvet with red spotty lining "smart" coat) As I stood at the wrong side of a pikey wire fence hurling insults and abuse at him he threw a snowball at me.

And it hit me right between the eyes. There's very little that can be said when rage is teetering on the brink of explosion - it was an almost out of body experience - looking outside at my simmering self and critising my own lack of wit/humour/awe at his cheek. Anyway, I had had a lovely walk and have spent the afternoon writing 3 pages of doric shmoric dialogue for my play. its a bit like sherbit - impressive at first pass but imediately fades to nothing at all.

Asking Hedge for some assistance - I said what would you call a "mess"? he said "our house" - No I patiently explained I need a doric word for mess - and do you know how helpful he was? He said. A Mess.

Thanks Hedge. (I now have snorrel, midden, & red-up so that's just fine.) I am still recovering from PMS - Post Miracle Syndrome -but I have the local minister and his fire side reflections to thank for that. Too much staring into the flames has affected his rationality me thinks.

Hey London - look what we've got!!

Today feels like a new beginning. London has fallen apart due to 8" of snow - Hedge was scathing of the effect of a few "snowflakes" when it seems to me to all be a bit worse than that - every bus cancelled, several tube lines shut, Gatwick, Heathrow and City airport closed -one minute it's picture perfect - like a painting seeing the Houses of Parliament with a snowy blanket on -and knowing full well that with all that heat of gazillions of bodies and electricity and energy that within a matter or hours it will be grey and wet and slushy. The boys were convinced that owing to the fact that 450 schools are closed in England - Finzean too would definately be shut..........every working mother's nightmare! -and hurrah we are made of sterner (less snow hysteria stuff) Looking out my office window - my car looks like a christmas cake with one grasped armful of snow removed to make a snowball -and the bird table is groaning with the Woodpecker and the coal tits encrusting the nuts. Theres a wonderful blue grey steely light - but its not dark thanks to the overall snowy frosting.
This time last year it was sleet and gales at 70mph as Hugh Fearnley Whittngsall gamely tried to launch the first cast in the river in order to officially open the salmon fishing - this year it's Clive Anderson's turn -I dont much fancy standing knee deep in lairds in return for stewed tea and a dodgy bacon roll - but as part of my support for the DSFB -I give the layman's perspective -and what Ive recently learned but always known is that there is no such thing as the average anything -that's the cop-out central line - anyway I'm inclined to go. But in so far as crativity and snow on the line there is no avoiding the inevitable....this is the first day of my latest career - today is the day that I can no longer avoid - Let the Play commence - A Portrait of Our Time. i feel like a gladiator! The fact is I might have been a bit hasty and more than a little naive to say - I can write a play - how hard can that be - this will inevitably haunt me from now till september -however it's not SO long in the big plan of things - and really in my more optimistic moments - How Hard Can It Be?....Ive completed the tax return, Ive renewed the car insurance - perhaps I can delay this mornings commencement with the on-lineTesco delivery order and I need to phone the plumber to remind him that he's taking the piss......July 08 was when I first brought to his attention that the newly installed bathroom had a dodgy componeant....and started telling him the loo seat was wobbly and not long for this world after only a month of Shand men leverage. Now that it has finally sheared off it's like having an elephant trap in the bathroom - so far no casualties except Fin's wee friend Sophie who was nearly swallowed by the porcelain as I shouted "watch out for the loo seat" it's only there for show and "too late" preceding a small yelp. A precarious balancing act when sitting down is required. Rather like starting to write a play......So this morning - to the river, to the hoover and to work. My day will not be ruined by NOT getting to work due to snow on the road - as long as it's not water on the brain, I will procrastinate no more....How hard can that be again??